I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
