So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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