If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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