I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
