"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
