wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
