You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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