His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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