Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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