Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
