I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
