i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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