the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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