Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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