im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
