Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize