I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
