All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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