just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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