she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
