it hurts more in the daytime
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
