Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
