dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
