I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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