hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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