im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
