My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
