Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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