so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
