Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
