Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
