What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
as a side note pls kill me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
