there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
sex in a hospital.. check
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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