Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
