are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
