And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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