No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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