she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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