i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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