You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
