So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
