Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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