Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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