Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
