it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
