i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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