I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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