I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
