New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
