just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
