I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
