He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
