he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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