I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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