i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
