Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
