Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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